its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
