Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it glows. i had to have it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
