i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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