Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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