I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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