I hate all girls vehemently.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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