While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
