just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize