He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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