but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
