My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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