Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
