Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
