a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
