did you get engaged???
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
