i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
