weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
