All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize