You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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