There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
