I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
