Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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