Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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