I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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