alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
