She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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