I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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