it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
