1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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