i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize