those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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