16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
