She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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