Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
