3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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