I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
