Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
