i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
