I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
