So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
