theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize