Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
