Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
