Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
