i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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