Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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