she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
