just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
