You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
