i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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