He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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