hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
