Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I deserve this hangover.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize