I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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