i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
