and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
