my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
