So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
