there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Acid is not a monday night drug
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
