So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish you could order shots online.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
