I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
