Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
