Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
