The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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