You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
