I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize