I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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